A LIE DOES NOT BECOME THE TRUTH (even if you believe it)

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This morning, I told a lie. I was taken aback by how casually the lie tumbled from my lips. I’m not suggesting that I never lie, but in the past, my lies have been delivered with downcast eyes, stilted speech and uncomfortable demeanor. This was different, because the lie was formed spontaneously and spoken without internal wrestling, or pangs of regret. I handled it like a pro. What was going on? I had an “uh oh” moment. It was time to evaluate my commitment to the truth.

We live in a world where the truth isn’t a thing. It’s distorted to suit our needs and whims. The truth is ignored so assiduously, that it only occurs briefly on the edges of our national discourse. The truth can be messy and time consuming. It requires intention, so in our convenience driven world, we abandon it for whatever easy lie will yield self serving results.

I suspect our belief in the value of truth, has been diminished by the fact that we appear to be surviving without it. Think about it. There are scores of leaders who lie to us regularly. I’m not talking about cunning deception, or murky half truths. They dismantle the truth while folding in false parts to create a perverse, new manufactured whole. Without hesitation, these leaders speak bold words that are proven to be lies, mere moments after their words are uttered. Remarkably, when their lies are exposed, very few shrink away in shame. Instead, most are dismissive, then simply double down with more lies! Meanwhile, the rest of us respond with impotent and short lived outrage. This cycle is now so much a part of the fabric of our national discourse, that we barely notice it. We think to blunt the damage of the lies by ignoring them. This is our new normal.

Truth exists on its own. The facts of it, are not impacted by whether we acknowledge it or not. The truth doesn’t change. If a tree falls in the forest, and we don’t hear it, it still fell. The truth is not what we wish, remember or admit. It is, what it is.

The truth is elemental. When we are at our best, we depend on it, and take comfort in it. It gives value to our every thought, feeling or belief. It is the essential element of any worthy endeavor. The truth is precious.

Truth is often hard to hear, hard to live with and inconvenient; but it is reality. That makes it vital, because when we operate in reality there’s a greater chance that those with differing views can enter into reasonable dialogue and seek successful solutions. Difference of opinion that springs from a foundation of truth, is less likely to be the result of self interest, and more likely to yield tenable resolution.

The truth is beautifully simple. We can’t live successfully without it. Fundamental to every value we hold dear, (love, honor, justice…), is the truth. The people I most admire, and the person I most want to be, loves the truth.

I’m reconciling with the truth. I will pursue it, and speak it. I will value it, by setting aside relationships with people who prefer to bury it, rather than deal with it.

My quiet acceptance of the lies that we live with and that propel the decisions that dictate our lives, is officially over. I can’t change the world, but I can stake out my place, and make it clear where I stand. I plan to speak in no uncertain terms about what I know to be true. Join me. The truth doesn’t need us. We need it.

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Pity Party’s Over

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Everyone deserves a pity party every once in a while.  Just don’t let it drag on….

The day after my birthday I woke up to find that I was the guest of honor at a surprise party.  It’s been going on for days now.  There are no party decorations or gifts, but over the ensuing days I’ve consumed a half pan of brownies, several bags of cheddar popcorn, and stale candy from my kids’ forgotten Halloween bags.  I’ve tried to pretend the party isn’t going on, but the signs are there.  On Sunday, I watched two long and sad TCM movies, then claimed I was too tired to go to our neighbor’s Super Bowl party.  The truth is I didn’t want to take off my sweaty sweat pants.  That’s the thing about pity parties, they make you pitiful.

I tried to invite my husband to my pity party, but he wouldn’t come.  He deflected my complaints about the state of the world and laughed good naturedly when I suggested that he dye his gray hair so that we wouldn’t stick out so much at our child’s elementary school.  Clearly, Tim isn’t the ideal guest for a pity party.

A pity party can be a harmless way of gorging on restricted treats, wearing the same clothes and shirking duties for a day or two.  There’s no harm in presenting one’s real face to the world, and  I bet there are health benefits in embracing the comfort of old sweat pants (yoga pants don’t count).   The trick is knowing when to shut the party down,  because pity parties are notorious for lasting way beyond any reasonable amount of time.  Close it down, before you become stuck and the pity party becomes an unhappy way of life.

I woke up this morning feeling drained and unenthusiastic about my day.  What was happening?  I’m happy in the am.  I LOVE the morning!  It was obvious my pity party was no longer a rebellious reprieve, but was morphing into a dismal trap.  Party time was over.

How did I end my pity party?  I took off the sweat pants, put on yoga pants and stopped feeling sorry for myself.  My circumstances didn’t change.  I still feel old.  I still feel inadequate.  I’m still mad at the world.  I’m still really short, and I still need to lose weight.  So what?  I get one more day to do my part to change some of that.  I traded my self pity in for some hope.  Tomorrow, I’ll add a new plan to that hope, and after still more days my pity party will be a distant memory.

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