The Power Of Love

Posted on October 28, 2015 · 1 Comment

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Love is a living, breathing thing.  It’s always beautiful.  Always amazing.  It comes from the best part of us.  Our yearning for it is built in.  So much so, that when love is missing we contort and twist ugly emotions, and as consolation we call it love.  Not every emotion that feels good is love.  Not everyone who is supposed to love us does.

Love is completely explained in the Bible.  Honest, look it up.  It’s so simple.  Maybe its simplicity is what tempts us to reinvent it; making it more complex than it was ever meant to be.  That reinvention can cause us to say the neglectful parent or unfaithful man loves us, as well as the back stabbing friend.  The sad truth is neglect is just neglect and betrayal is just betrayal.

As a child I loved fairy tales. I often wished for details of the happily ever after.  How many children did Snow White have?”  Did Cinderella and her prince dance the night away at balls every weekend?  I thought it would be fun to glimpse the beauty of their perfect love. (yuck) Anyway, I grew up and realized that love may be perfect, but we never are.   Love is labor intensive and requires working through anger and admitting selfish motives.  It requires courage and intention.  A large part of the time even “romantic love” is not romantic.

Love is like a song on some days, and drudgery on others.

Many of us go about saying “I love you”, but we forget to partner those words with action.  We tend to think that if we look lovely and are kind then love will come to us.  The thing is , we aren’t supposed to concentrate on how to get it, but how to give it!

Love is your choice.  Be clear, you have no choice of who loves you, just who you love.  We are called to love with action and commitment.  Instead we let love slip with inaction.  Everyday, in every interaction with every person we choose to love or not to.  A smile for the grouchy Wal-Mart clerk, lunch with the lonely neighbor with whom you have nothing in common, swallowing your pride and admitting that you were wrong, withholding some perceived treat from your child (that everybody has), because its not good for them etc.  These are ways of loving.  Clearly, I could go on and on; but I’ve been asked to stop.  So, commit and take action.  Give the love you want to feel.

You’ve got the power. Use it!

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Filed Under: Heart of the Matter Tagged With: , ,

Change too

Posted on October 21, 2015 · Leave a Comment

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The more I talk to people the more I realize that I left a lot out of my “change” essay.  Here are 3 ideas that expand and flesh out the premise of Change I.  The bottom line?  Change is possible, but it’s not very common and not at all easy.

  • Saying one wants to change and actually wanting to change are often mutually exclusive.  It’s easy to say, “I want to change”.  Everyone says it.  It’s just an auto response.  A halfhearted solution to whatever others perceive as being wrong with you.  “Yes, of course I  want to be a better… wife, husband, mother, student, person, etc.”.  On paper we all want to be better.  That doesn’t mean we’re going to do the work.  At the heart of the matter is the fact that most of us resist the intense work needed for change.  I say the resistance and excuses really mean that the desire for change is false or superficial.  Often the surface answer is “yes, I want to change”, while the deep down to the bone answer is a whispered but definite “no, I won’t change”.  Don’t fool yourself and don’t be fooled.  Lip service doesn’t initiate change.  It accomplishes nothing, except the appeasement of whomever is on the receiving end of the lip service.
  •  Neither love, nor positive and/or wishful thinking is an effective agent of change.  We love to think that the sheer force of our love has the power to change.  Only the love of Christ has that kind of trans-formative power. Our love can be a tool for encouragement, but it can’t take the place of self motivation.  If most of the enthusiasm for the anticipated change comes from someone other than the changee, then the change is doomed.  Many relationships have stumbled along, powered by the false belief that the determination and commitment of the partner can propel the other past the finish line to successful change. On the contrary, meaningful change must be self driven.
  • Intention must be present to initiate change, but sustained action is necessary to achieve change.  A plan, daily prayer, accountability partners, perseverance, time and persistence are some of the tools crucial to real change.  The bottom line is that change is absolutely possible, but the path is arduous and consuming.  So, go and be better.  Just don’t forget its an uphill climb.
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Mountains or Ocean??

Posted on October 16, 2015 · 4 Comments

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I hear that question a lot.  Here in Charlotte, we are positioned perfectly with easy access to both the mountains and the ocean.  For me, in any kind of geographic contest, the ocean wins every time.

Mountains are majestic and beautiful.  Their vastness inspires awe.  Still, I never feel at home there.  The enormity of even a single mountain screams out my insignificance.    In the mountains there is no welcome, only tolerance.  The power of the mountains is aggressive and the boundaries are implacable.  There is no siren song in the mountains and the peace is only a shiny coating.  You know that you enter at your own risk.  They don’t pretend to want you.

The ocean is sound, joy and movement.  My family plays with abandon and our laughter is like a  song.  I stand at the water’s edge where my thoughts are set loose and flow free.  The ocean has depth; literally and figuratively.  Ocean power is equal to mountain power, but ocean power is seductive.  The waves call in murmurs and whispers.  Her intent is more deadly, but she doesn’t flaunt it.  If you respect her boundaries you can coexist in peace.

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