The more I talk to people the more I realize that I left a lot out of my “change” essay.  Here are 3 ideas that expand and flesh out the premise of Change I.  The bottom line?  Change is possible, but it’s not very common and not at all easy.

• Saying one wants to change and actually wanting to change are often mutually exclusive.  It’s easy to say, “I want to change”.  Everyone says it.  It’s just an auto response.  A halfhearted solution to whatever others perceive as being wrong with you.  “Yes, of course I  want to be a better… wife, husband, mother, student, person, etc.”.  On paper we all want to be better.  That doesn’t mean we’re going to do the work.  At the heart of the matter is the fact that most of us resist the intense work needed for change.  I say the resistance and excuses really mean that the desire for change is false or superficial.  Often the surface answer is “yes, I want to change”, while the deep down to the bone answer is a whispered but definite “no, I won’t change”.  Don’t fool yourself and don’t be fooled.  Lip service doesn’t initiate change.  It accomplishes nothing, except the appeasement of whomever is on the receiving end of the lip service.

•  Neither love, nor positive and/or wishful thinking is an effective agent of change.  We love to think that the sheer force of our love has the power to change.  Only the love of Christ has that kind of trans-formative power. Our love can be a tool for encouragement, but it can’t take the place of self motivation.  If most of the enthusiasm for the anticipated change comes from someone other than the changee, then the change is doomed.  Many relationships have stumbled along, powered by the false belief that the determination and commitment of the partner can propel the other past the finish line to successful change. On the contrary, meaningful change must be self driven.

• Intention must be present to initiate change, but sustained action is necessary to achieve change.  A plan, daily prayer, accountability partners, perseverance, time and persistence are some of the tools crucial to real change.  The bottom line is that change is absolutely possible, but the path is arduous and consuming.  So, go and be better.  Just don’t forget its an uphill climb.

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