Love is a living, breathing thing.  It’s always beautiful.  Always amazing.  It comes from the best part of us.  Our yearning for it is built in.  So much so, that when love is missing we contort and twist ugly emotions, and as consolation we call it love.  Not every emotion that feels good is love.  Not everyone who is supposed to love us does.

Love is completely explained in the Bible.  Honest, look it up.  It’s so simple.  Maybe its simplicity is what tempts us to reinvent it; making it more complex than it was ever meant to be.  That reinvention can cause us to say the neglectful parent or unfaithful man loves us, as well as the back stabbing friend.  The sad truth is neglect is just neglect and betrayal is just betrayal.

As a child I loved fairy tales. I often wished for details of the happily ever after.  How many children did Snow White have?”  Did Cinderella and her prince dance the night away at balls every weekend?  I thought it would be fun to glimpse the beauty of their perfect love. (yuck) Anyway, I grew up and realized that love may be perfect, but we never are.   Love is labor intensive and requires working through anger and admitting selfish motives.  It requires courage and intention.  A large part of the time even “romantic love” is not romantic.

Love is like a song on some days, and drudgery on others.

Many of us go about saying “I love you”, but we forget to partner those words with action.  We tend to think that if we look lovely and are kind then love will come to us.  The thing is , we aren’t supposed to concentrate on how to get it, but how to give it!

Love is your choice.  Be clear, you have no choice of who loves you, just who you love.  We are called to love with action and commitment.  Instead we let love slip with inaction.  Everyday, in every interaction with every person we choose to love or not to.  A smile for the grouchy Wal-Mart clerk, lunch with the lonely neighbor with whom you have nothing in common, swallowing your pride and admitting that you were wrong, withholding some perceived treat from your child (that everybody has), because its not good for them etc.  These are ways of loving.  Clearly, I could go on and on; but I’ve been asked to stop.  So, commit and take action.  Give the love you want to feel.

You’ve got the power. Use it!

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My friend Paula and I discuss our opinions about everything.  Today we talked about change.  This naturally led to the question, “Can people change”?  My answer, ABSOLUTELY!  The human capacity for everything; including change is boundless.  Sometimes miraculous.  Our ability to change is an important source of our collective hope.

We are created individually with certain predispositions and gifts.  Our responses to our world, our faith and circumstances all shape who we become.  Becoming is changing.  The constant change inherent in growing up is a process of incidental change.  On the other hand, our adulthood should be a process of intentional change.  Think of it this way, there were roads that led us to here; likewise there are roads that can lead us to there.  You choose the “there”.

People can change.  The question is “Why don’t they?”  I say, we just don’t think of it.  Many of us are in endless pursuit of outward things; all intended to make our lives better.  Under the circumstances, we have little time to reflect on the deeper changes necessary to make our actual selves better.  I’m not belittling the pursuit of things.  I’m just suggesting that continually doing the work to change one’s internal self is far more important and satisfying.

Environment is another reason people don’t change.  They see the concrete of their circumstances and become mired in a kind of hopelessness.  Bleak circumstances often elicit a negative response that discourages positive change.  Change is still possible, but much harder.  For me, the only light that shines brightly in these times, is the light of Jesus.  I have known others who say they have relied on music, books, positive role models, counseling etc to help them.  In other words, when faced with dismal circumstances, drawing on one’s own strength is not always enough.  The best course of action is to reach out to something or someone positive to shore up our own strength.

Habit and tradition also keep us from change.  The thinking goes something like this, “Everyone I know is this way.  I’ll suppress my reservations and continue the way I always have.”   While we are all part of a whole, we have to embrace our separateness.  This means pursuing the change that will make us who God created us to be, not necessarily who our peers expect us to be.

The most precious thing you will ever really own is yourself.  Celebrate who you are, and who you are becoming.  Start your own change process, because whether you like it or not, change is gonna come.  Make sure you are in the driver’s seat!

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